Dads’ FAQs: Domestic violence

21 May 2013


Questions we have been asked include:

‘Do you know of any helplines for domestic violence support for men?’

‘Anything about violence against men?’

‘I have trouble with my temper and would like to do something about it’

The vast majority of domestic violence is perpetrated by men on women. But men can also be victims: one man dies every three weeks because of domestic violence and one in six men will experience domestic violence in their life. Due to shame and embarrassment, some men don’t report the crime, let alone leave an abusive relationship. But non-judgmental, practical help is available, as outlined below.

If you are in immediate danger, phone the police on 999 and be assured that they will take you seriously.

The National Centre for Domestic Violence (NCDV) offers a free service to everybody. It specialises in ‘providing free, fast and effective legal support to survivors of domestic violence, usually by helping individuals obtain injunctions from their local county court. This free service is provided to everybody, regardless of their financial circumstances, sexual orientation, race, gender, age, or political or religious belief or otherwise’. You can phone NCDV on 0844 8044 999 or text ‘NCDV’ to 60777 and they’ll call you back. Or visit their website.

Men’s Advice Line (check out their website here ) offers unhurried emotional and practical support to male victims of domestic violence and can point you towards a wide range of further assistance on child contact, parenting, housing, mental health and housing, among other issues. Call free (from landlines and mobiles) on 0808 801 0327 (Monday to Friday 10am-1pm and 2pm-5pm). If lines are busy, leave a message with a safe number and you’ll receive a call back within two working days. Men’s Advice Line has produced a booklet ‘Talk it Over’, which they can send to you or you can download here.

ManKind Initiative (find out more on their website) supports male victims of domestic abuse and domestic violence. It operates a confidential telephone helpline 01823 334244 (Monday to Friday 10am – 4pm and 7pm – 9pm). Helpline services for the deaf are provided through Text Relay.

Abused Men in Scotland (AMIS) is a national organisation dedicated to supporting men who are experiencing, or who have experienced, domestic abuse. AMIS works with any man over 16 concerned about domestic abuse, regardless of sexuality, disability or ethnic origin. AMIS provides an opportunity to talk things through with someone who understands many of the difficulties men on the receiving end of domestic abuse can face. AMIS also offers support and information and helps callers find further information or services if needed. The AMIS helpline is free to call from landlines, most UK mobiles and BT payphones and is open from 7pm – 10pm seven nights a week on 0808 800 0024. Read the AMIS User Guide, and here is the AMIS Service Provider Guide.

Do you have anger issues? While anger is a natural emotion that can be caused by various factors, when it is gets out of hand – or you fear it will – it can lead to feelings of being out of control, where you can’t think straight and may do something you later regret. It can affect your relationships, work and dealings with the law. There are self-help tips for anger management – see the Mental Health Foundation’s ‘Cool Down’ booklet, which is £1.50 if posted or free to download here. If you feel self-help techniques are insufficient, you could consider attending an anger management course, where you’ll have sessions with a counsellor or therapist, and possibly group work with others who have anger management issues. Contact your GP to see if there are any NHS-funded or free, voluntary-run courses near you. If not, you may have to pay privately for help – if so, ensure that the therapist is registered with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (see their website here).

Mind has lots of useful information about anger on its website, including links to resources and reading material that covers stress, relaxation and the importance of looking after yourself.  If you wish to speak to someone, call the Mind infoline on 0300 123 3393.

Find links to other Dads’ FAQs articles here.

Last updated 21 May 2013

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